August days

Where has the year gone?! You’d think, with a pandemic and all, that time would feel like it has grudgingly moved along. But, instead, I feel like it’s hard to believe that we’re already to August.

Of course, nothing feels right still – for me, at least. School season is upon us, and I’m feeling very much at odds with my own feelings. My just-turned-six kiddo is supposed to enter kindergarten this year and now I’m dealing not just with the emotional side of my little baby taking that step into the next chapter of his own life… but I’m also struggling with the panic about whether we’re making the right choice to even send him. The current plan with my district is that he would only attend 2 days a week, and have to do online work the other 3 days. But there’s little-to-no details that have been released about what that online work looks like. Will he have to log in promptly at 9 am to be counted as attending? Is he going to be expected to do several hours worth of online work on those 3 days and cause us way more stress than its worth? Would homeschool be a better option? He was already ahead within his preschool classes, so I feel like that gives me a bit more confidence that we were already doing a good job with education at home just with the way we talk to him, read to him, and teach him about the world around us. And if we do go that route, do I try to do the schooling after work? Try to cut back my hours so I can still work and bring in some money for our needs and that little bit I’m putting into savings every paycheck to help fund that future yarn shop of my dreams? Or do I recognize my limits and the stress it would be and quit entirely to just focus on my family, which is very much out of character for me in the first place?

I know I’m not alone, and we’re all stuck making these incredibly tough decisions and it… it just sucks. Across the board, it sucks. There’s no right answer, and there’s no wrong answer. There’s just… no answers at all, it feels like. Just these very vague shades-of-grey answers that leave a pit in my stomach.

Throughout all of this, I’m trying to just not panic and focus on the day-to-day. I’ve pulled back on the amount of time I spend scrolling the internet, and I’ve chosen to block a few social media sites from access to try to break that habit. I’m opting, instead, for things that keep me more present in my own little environment: time spent outdoors in my little garden, even if it’s just sitting on the patio and knitting or spinning and listening to the birds, going for walks around the neighborhood and taking some time to just stand there and watch busy little bumblebees go about collecting pollen on a neighbor’s flowers, spending quality time with family out in nature, etc. I’ve started meditating regularly, too. It’s something I’ve been meaning to make a habit but never really made time for – it turns out I have tons of time when I’ve blocked myself from a lot of the useless things I let take up space in my life.

And do you see that pretty little pinkish knit? That’s the avocado-dyed yarn from my last post. I’ve already cast on with it and am already done with the yoke of the sweater. It’s the Little Cables pattern from Florence Merlin of Little French Knits. The sweater is knit from the top-down, but this is the first top-down knit that has you knit the sleeves flat and I think I’m in love! Knitting bitty sleeves for a baby sweater on double-pointed needles always seem so fiddly, and I think I may apply this flat-knit sleeve business to future patterns now just to avoid having to a. find my double-pointed needles and b. save on the hassle of using them.

The pattern, by the way, is wonderfully written and easy to understand. This is my first pattern by this designer, but it likely won’t be my last. I have my eye on this adorable romper pattern to possibly knit next, though I also have Christmas knitting on my mind so the romper may have to be saved for the next baby that comes along that needs to be swathed in warm woolen loveliness.